Oncology Visit and Making decisions (I'm horrible at this)

Yesterday I had an intial consultation visit with Dr. Schinde, my oncologist. Dr. Chung, thought it would help if I got her opinion on my diagnosis which would allow me to better weigh my options. She discussed with me why it would be better to have surgery before chemo based on the size of the tumor and the adjective therapies available post-surgery. 

Typically, neo-adjunctive chemo (chemo before surgery) is offered when a tumor is large so that it can be shrunk down before surgery, since mine is just barely under 2 cm she didn't think it was necessary to have pre-surgery chemo if we got on with it quickly. Her recommendation gave me some relief in that I didn't have to spend any more time wondering what route to take. I'll do the surgery first and that's that. The surgery will then inform us as to what to do next once pathology is performed on the tumor and lymph nodes.

The uncertain part now is what type of chemo I'll get after surgery. This will depend on other factors such as tumor size and whether the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes. If the tumor is < 2cm and there lymph nodes are clear,  I will have 12 weeks of this chemo regimen. If the tumor is > 2m and/or the lymph nodes are positive I can look forward to 18 weeks of this chemo regimen. She's optimistic that I'll end up with the former, which is slightly less awful than the latter. >.< Whichever one I get, I still I lose my hair and will have to decide whether to have a port installed (this really bothers me).

Dr. Shinde has given preliminary staging of 1a. 

And as for surgery, I'm still deciding, but leaning toward bilateral mastectomy for several reasons. Still, I have a few weeks to really think about it while I wait for the results of my genetic panel. Let's just say, I'm still undecided, but here are my key decision making thoughts ...

    Pros of lumpectomy:

• Natural breast is partially preserved
• That breast can be reconstructed to look more like it used to look

    Cons of lumpectomy

• Visible scarring and dimpling
• 6 weeks of daily radiation therapy
• If the cancer has spread beyond the doctors surgical margins, she may have to go in again to remove more breast tissue
• My breasts are small so the loss of breast tissue could look rather significant

    Pros of Mastectomy

• All cancer would be removed along with breast tissue that could be at risk in the future
• Double mastectomy would make me look more even (yes, I'm vain) hey, an insurance covered boob job!
• No radiation!
• Implants can be done at the same time the tumor is removed

    Cons of Mastectomy:

• Implants need to be replaced every 10 years
• longer recovery time and gross stuff like drainage tubes you have to deal with post-surgery

Ugh, either choice is a shit sandwich. I don't have to decide now, but I do have to decide and soon.